This year, our daughter is starting preschool.
For some, it is just school. A new chapter. A little backpack. A first day filled with pictures, excitement and emotion.
For us, it is also the first time she will be spending part of every day in an environment where we are not there. New adults. New routines. New places. Moments of her day that we will not see.
This past year has been a difficult one for childcare in Paris. Since the start of 2026, the City of Paris has suspended 132 childcare staff, 52 of them over suspicion of sexual or sexist violence, prompting the mayor to call it a systemic problem and announce a 20-million-euro action plan. Paris leisure centres have seen enrolment drop by 13% this summer, around 2,000 fewer children, as parents weigh the risk.
Since then, some parents have taken their children out of after-school care. Others are unsure whether to enrol them at all. And many continue because they simply do not have another option, but with a quiet fear that has settled somewhere in the background: what if something happened to my child and I didn't know?
I understand that fear. Because one of the hardest parts of being a parent is accepting that we cannot be everywhere. We cannot follow our children through every moment of their day. We cannot see every interaction, hear every conversation or know every person they will meet.
But there is something we can give them. Words. Tools. A sense of what feels right and what does not. And, above all, the certainty that they can always come and talk to us.
So my husband and I started thinking about what we could put in place. Not because we want our daughter to be afraid of school. Not because we want her to believe that every adult is dangerous. And certainly not because we want to pass our own fears on to her.
We simply want to prepare her. We want her to know that her body belongs to her. That her boundaries matter. That she has the right to say no. That she is never responsible for protecting adults. And that, no matter what happens, she can always come to us.
What we have put in place does not come from one book, one expert or one single method. We have read, listened, spoken with other parents and discovered different resources and approaches along the way. We kept what felt right for our family.
Today, we want to share some of those ideas with the Travel Sitter community. Not to tell anyone how they should raise their children. Not to suggest that every family should do exactly the same thing. But because some parents may be looking for words to begin these conversations with their own children.
Your body belongs to you
This is one of the first things we explained to our daughter.
Your body belongs to you. To us, that means hugs and kisses are never an obligation. She can give them when she wants to. She can say no when she does not want to, to Mum, Dad, family members, close friends or anyone else. And she never has to show affection simply to make someone else happy.
We also pay attention to something that may seem small but is actually important: we do not pretend to be sad, hurt or disappointed when she does not want to give us a hug or a kiss. Because when an adult shows sadness, even jokingly, a child may end up giving affection not because they want to, but because they feel responsible for making the adult feel better. Without anyone meaning to, the child may begin to learn that their own feelings should come second when someone else is disappointed. That is not what we want to teach her.
When she does not want to, she does not want to. Her no is not rude. Her no is not a lack of affection. Her no deserves to be respected. And we also teach her that other people's no deserves the same respect. Consent is not only about having the right to say no. It is also about learning to listen when someone else says no.
She can say no, and she can change her mind
We try to bring this idea into everyday moments. Would you like a hug? Do you want me to help you? Would you like to hold my hand?
The goal is not to turn every family interaction into a formal question. We simply want her to understand that her voice matters, that she can say I don't want to, not right now, stop, I don't like that, I want some space, and that she will be heard.
We also want her to know she is allowed to change her mind. Even if she said yes at first. Even if she agreed to play. Even if she laughed. Even if she did not know how to react in the moment. She can still say I don't want to anymore, and she can always come and tell us what happened.
She is not responsible for protecting us
This was especially important to us. In some accounts shared by children who have experienced abuse, threats play a major role: a child may be told that something terrible will happen to their parents if they speak, that someone will hurt their brother or sister, that telling the truth will have terrible consequences.
So we explained something very clearly to our daughter: you never have to protect us, it is our job to protect you. If someone ever told her don't tell Mum and Dad, or something bad will happen if you talk, we want her to understand that this person is trying to frighten her, and that this is exactly the kind of thing she should tell us. She is not responsible for keeping us safe. She is our child. It is our responsibility, as adults, to protect her. Never the other way around.
Happy secrets and secrets that make you afraid
We have also started talking about different kinds of secrets. There are happy secrets: planning a birthday surprise, making a gift, preparing something special. These are secrets that feel exciting and joyful, and they have an end.
But when a secret makes you feel sad, scared, worried or uncomfortable, it should not stay locked inside. We want her to know she can always talk about it, even if someone asked her to promise, even if they said no one else should know. A promise should never stop a child from asking for help.
Trusted adults
We have also spoken to her about trusted adults. Of course, there is Mum and Dad. But we want her to know there are other people she can turn to if, for any reason, she does not feel able to talk to us. Certain aunts. Certain uncles. People we know, who listen to her and want to keep her safe.
At the same time, we explain that not every adult is automatically a trusted adult. A trusted adult is someone who listens, respects boundaries, does not ask a child to keep frightening secrets, and helps protect a child when they share something difficult.
Private parts are private
We have also started teaching her about the private parts of her body. That they are private, not for other people to ask to see or touch, not part of games.
But we also wanted to explain the exceptions related to hygiene and healthcare: a parent may need to help a young child, a doctor may need to examine part of their body. We did not want to give her a rule that would not reflect real life. So the message we give her is: your body is private. If someone needs to help you or take care of you, there must be a reason. They should explain what they are doing. It is never a game, and it is never a secret. And you can always come and tell us about it.
You can tell us, even if you are scared
There is one sentence we want her to hear again and again: you will never be in trouble for telling us something. Even if she thinks she did something wrong. Even if someone told her not to say anything. Even if she is afraid we will be angry.
Sometimes children stay silent not only because they are afraid of the person who hurt them, but because they are afraid of how their parents might react. We want her to hear the opposite: if something happens, come and tell us. We will listen. We will believe you. And we will find a way to keep you safe.
We do not want to teach her to be afraid
The world is not only dangerous. School is not a place children should automatically fear. After-school care is not automatically unsafe. Every day, teachers, childcare professionals and other adults care for children with dedication, respect and kindness.
But the past year is a reminder that children should never be taught to stay silent, dismiss their own feelings or endure a situation that makes them uncomfortable. We need to teach them that they have a voice, and be ready to listen.
We will never be able to control every place, every adult or every moment of our children's lives. But we can build something precious at home: a space where they know they can speak, where their limits are respected, where they never carry responsibility for an adult's actions.
Resources that helped us start the conversation
These conversations are not always easy to have. Sometimes you don't know where to start, or you're searching for the right words. A book, a song or another parent's experience can be the small trigger that opens the discussion naturally. Here are a few resources we found genuinely useful.
Books in French
- Le petit livre pour dire NON ! by Dominique de Saint Mars and Serge Bloch. An accessible book to help children understand they have the right to express their limits and say no.
- Mon corps m'appartient ! Respect, intimité, consentement, parlons-en. Helps children understand privacy, respect for the body, and personal boundaries.
- Touche pas à mon corps, Tatie Jacotte ! by Thierry Lenain and Stéphane Poulin. A support for talking about respect for the body and the right to disagree.
Books in English
- My Body Belongs to Me by Dagmar Geisler. A simple book helping young children understand body boundaries and the right to say no.
- C is for Consent by Eleanor Morrison. Introduces consent in a child-appropriate way.
- No Means No! by Jayneen Sanders. Widely used to talk about consent, body boundaries and self-confidence.
- Some Secrets Should Never Be Kept by Jayneen Sanders. Explores the difference between happy secrets and secrets that make you uncomfortable.
We have also found content creators sharing resources around positive parenting and body respect, including French-language Instagram content and a body-safety song and lesson shared by a Namibian teacher, both of which gave us practical, everyday language to use with our daughter.
There isn't one right way to approach these subjects. Every family has its own story, values and pace. The goal is not to frighten children. The goal is to give them words. Because a child who can name what they feel, who knows they have the right to speak, and who knows they will be heard, already carries a precious tool for protecting themselves.